I
have two beautiful boys - Zac (2 yrs), who was born by
caesarean section and Jed (3 months), who was a virginal
birth. I would like to share my story of both experiences.
I thought I was all prepared for the birth of my first
child. I had booked into a birthing centre, which I felt was
the perfect environment to birth. The midwives were all for
supporting women to labour however they wanted: being in the
shower, hanging off a rope from the ceiling, leaning on a
swiss ball, sitting in a bath, the options were endless. My
birth plan was written, I had discussed with my husband, in
detail - and much excitement – how al naturale my labour
would be. I mean, surely if I wanted it bad enough, then it
would happen! Right?... Wrong.
I will never know whether a different midwife/obstetrician,
environment or any other factor - would change the outcome -
nor, the fact that I have come to peace with it, would I
want to.
My strong and rather judgemental opinions about the whole
birthing experience have definitely softened. Before I
experienced labour, if a woman had said to me that she ended
up having a caesarean, a little voice in my head would say 'she
must have given up too easily!' Surely if you just keep
going, the baby is going to come out! I now think it's just
a tad more complex than that!
A friend once said to me that 'we only get one chance at
birthing that one baby', - and it's so true! It also made me
think about the fact that women are trying to get one of the
most amazing, important things that they will do in their
life, 'right' (however they perceive that to be) and they
get one chance at it. That's pretty huge!
My first labour went for 22 hours in total. I spent the
first 9 hours at home. Contractions were about 5 minutes
apart from the very beginning. When I arrived at the
birthing centre the midwives guessed I was about 6cm
dilated. I continued to labour for another 5 hours before
they did an internal examination. It was then that I was
told that the baby was posterior which means it can be much
harder for the mother to push the baby over the 'tilt' in
her pelvis. So I thought that's ok, I can have the baby
naturally, it just means it might take a bit longer or be a
bit harder!
At 7pm that night my waters broke. Not long after this, they
said I could start pushing. I did feel like I wanted to
push, because the contractions were so intense and I just
wanted it all to be over, but I didn't really have a feeling
that I was actually pushing anything out. I had been pushing
for about 1 ½ hours and the midwife gave me a mirror to
hold so that I could watch the baby come out. They kept
saying 'any minute now you will have a baby'. And I remember
asking my husband Clint, what I was meant to be looking at
as there was no head that had crowned and really no pressure
in my vagina or anus.
By now it was around 9pm at night and Clint was getting
pretty anxious and frustrated by the situation. What they
were saying and what was actually happening didn't really
match! I wasn't really taking in the conversations around
me, I was in my own world of labouring, I just kept pushing
and pushing. Around 9:30pm, they told us that the baby was
right at the base of my vagina, but they felt forceps were
needed to just 'pop' the baby out.
So, much to my disappointment, I was transferred out of the
birthing centre and into the main hospital. An internal
examination was then performed by an obstetrician to
determine exact position of baby.
It was then that they advised me that the baby was too far
up and a caesarean had to be done. I was absolutely crushed.
As I had not had any pain relief to this point, they then
gave me an epidural (which blocked pain from waist down) and
then did the caesarean. When they were stitching me up, I
wasn't in pain, but I could feel them moving their hands
around in my tummy. I have since described the feeling to
friends as if someone was 'washing up' in my belly. It felt
really disgusting.
At 10:52pm, my darling baby Zac, was lifted from my body and
taken to a table where his umbilical cord was cut by my
husband. They then placed him on my chest. He went straight
to the breast and snuggled in tightly. I was still so upset
that I had just had a caesarean that I don't really think I
took in the excitement of my baby laying on my chest. Not
long after, they transferred me to the hospital ward and it
was then that I remember really looking at Zac and feeling
the biggest explosion of love for my child. A dim light was
shining down from above me and I could see his big eyes
blinking up at me in the light. I felt that if he could
speak, he would be telling me that 'it's alright Mum!' I
settled into life as a Mum with ease. It felt like the most
natural thing I had ever done.
About a week prior to my due date with my second child Jed,
I was getting adhoc 'period like' pains during the day and
at around 3am each morning. So when I bounded out of bed
from the shock of pain at 3am, I thought it was just the
usual pains I had been getting. I found that if I just knelt
by my bed and rocked through each contraction that I could
quite easily cope with the pain.
At around 5am I asked my husband to call St Vincents Private
(as this was where I was booked in), to let them know I was
in labour. I thought I would have hours to go, but wanted to
let them know things had started. I presumed that because my
mucus plug hadn't broken, that labour was not too far along.
Although I was vomiting through some of the contractions
from the intense pain at this stage, contractions were about
5 minutes apart.
Next I was on the phone to the midwife, who was suggesting
we call an ambulance to take us to the nearest hospital, not
the city, as she thought I was further along than I
realised. I totally did not want this to happen as I had
particularly been seeing a fantastic obstetrician throughout
my pregnancy, who supported me 100% in trying to have a
virginal birth after caesarean (VBAC) so, I wanted to get to
him, no matter what!
In between contractions, when I could manage to talk, I
explained that my last labour went for 22 hours so I still
had hours to go. Then, within minutes, I felt like I had to
push. Clint immediately called an ambulance and the operator
stayed on the phone to him until they arrived. I vividly
remember Clint walking into our room with towels and I said 'what
are you doing, are you going to deliver the baby?'. It was
all so surreal and quite funny to think of now. My body was
taking over at this stage and I just wanted to push with
each contraction. At around 6:30am, the ambulance had me in
the city and into the delivery room. I was now fully dilated
and pushing with each contraction on the midwives
instructions. The midwives and my husband were all
absolutely fantastic, encouraging me that I could do this…
They broke my waters, which was such a huge release of
pressure, I could push a lot easier. About half an hour
later, Jed's head crowned to about the size of a 50 cent
piece. I continued pushing for another hour, in which time
my obstetrician said I now needed a bit of help to get the
head out. My contractions were really intense but really
short, so I didn't get much of a push happening before the
contraction finished. My obstetrician said that I had to
make sure I didn't push when contractions ended as I would
tear.
He put the suction cup on the baby's head and with the next
3 contractions helped me as I pushed. Jed had a lot of hair,
so he said the cup wasn't sticking on really tightly (which
I was glad about), but it helped me enough to finish getting
his head through. He then took the cup off as I pushed Jed's
shoulders out and I actually got to grab Jed's body as he
came out and help lift him onto my chest!
This labour had only taken 5 ½ hours in total! It was a
very surreal feeling, such a sense of achievement! I placed
him on my chest and he too, just looked up at me, eyes wide
and blinking. Absolutely perfect!
I would encourage every woman to give a natural birth a go
after a caesarean. You just cannot compare the sense of
accomplishment and the recovery rate after a natural birth
compared to the feeling of total invasion of a caesarean and
the feeling of being totally 'gutted' literally and
emotionally. For example, I couldn't bear any clothing to
touch my caesarean cut for months. I was numb over my cut
for about 9 months. But, within about 10 days from my
virginal birth, I felt fantastic, all swelling had gone
down.
After my caesarean, the thought of having that major surgery
again made my blood run cold. However, after my virginal
birth, I thought I would love to do that again, it is such a
rush of adrenalin, once that baby is born, the pain is gone!
In conclusion the point I wish to make is that I am now more
open to intervention as a last resort if the circumstance
requires it, as each person's case is different. The
attitude and mindset of the pregnant woman and obstetrician
is paramount also. In my case, we were both very positive
that I could have a virginal birth second time around.
In the big scheme of it all, my bond with both children has
been the same even though one was caesarean and the other a
virginal birth.
Together, I hope my husband and I will walk alongside our
children and nurture within them a love for life and self
acceptance!
