I had my baby last week, hes here sleeping on me as im writing! I want to tell you about the birth because it was good, and what made it so good. It was also short, with the water breaking at 9pm, labour starting fully at 11pm, and baby out at 2.30am.
I was chopping veggies when i felt a POP and a rush of warm water, labour just built and built from there. I had imagined i would be doing all sorts of things like dancing rolling around crying groaning and singing opera, but i found infact that these were all ways to AVOID or to lessen and what i wanted to do was get right in there.
So eventually I was completely still and silent as I let the pain fill me and open me. The others thought my labour had slowed because I had dropped all the moaning and wriggling and was just sitting there with my eyes closed, breathing deeply and steadily.labour was certainly getting stronger and stronger, but I just kept saying inside 'yes, yes I want you Ii trust you, I surrender' and letting myself be completely but silently overwhelmed. The more the pain, the more i was saying YES! inside.
Then my body just shifted gears and began to push downwards. my throat was groaning and midwife told me to try and drive the energy down to the baby rather than up out of my throat. she was right. The pushing felt so good, so intense and powerful. it was like the opening stage had been complete surender in the face of overwhelming intensity, and now i felt that same intensity had been put in my hands and all the power had become my own. I was leaning on my doula Jane, who was a pillar of pure light and love and whom I hold partly responsible for never letting a shred of fear to survive in that room!
I was in awe. The baby was comng further and further down with each push, there was never a time I didnt know exactly how it was going, so I never asked. Soon she told me his head would be out in two contractions. Then he was there on my chest and his placenta in a bowl and me just drunk with bliss.
I feel that the whole time I just had one simple job: to stop myself from getting in the way of this awesome force that was moving through me. That meant being very present and very aware of any time I may be trying to avoid pain. I didnt want to avoid it, i wanted to go into it fully. That is what made a short labour. I wasnt trying to find a way out. I just made myself look at the pain face on... if that makes sense.
And the mind would play all its usual tricks: 'how long is this going to last?' 'how do I get out of this?' 'what position can I get into to make the pain less?' and so on. but instead of listening to it I just felt into what was really happening inside and went with it.
I named him Elijah and i have been his willing slave ever since!
Also I passionatly reccommend the Womens Mysteries retreat as birth preparation.
I had my baby last week, hes here sleeping on me as im writing! I want to tell you about the birth because it was good, and what made it so good. It was also short, with the water breaking at 9pm, labour starting fully at 11pm, and baby out at 2.30am.
