My Women's Mysteries Experience - Kylee Baker - October 2006

 

Four months after the birth of my first child I was drawn to attend a retreat in the Yarra valley for Women and babes in arms. The"Mysteries" in "Women's Mysteries" intrigued me and I felt I needed to be around women. I was living away from my family and finding motherhood extremely challenging and I wasn't enjoying it as much I thought I would. We had tried to conceive for two years and feeling this way just didn't seem right! 

 

The retreat had a profound affect on me in three ways. Firstly it reconnected me with my son. I had found myself"doing" and not really"being" with him. The first day was extremely difficult and I felt I really wanted to go home , but I knew it was difficult as their were some big blocks to overcome. I was overwhelmed by a lot of emotions that had come up around my own childhood and without realising this was projecting my stuff on him. I felt he was demanding and cried a lot and I found this extremely frustrating as it made me feel in- adequate as a mother. 

 

The most important discovery was the intrinsic link between us. When we were in the temple and someone bought up a painful memory from their past, and it was something that I had also experienced, he would cry, letting the whole group know that his mum also felt that pain. So rather than blame him for his crying I began to look at what was happening for me instead. Once I acknowledged my own emotions then he would settle. He was my barometer. This "knowing" gave me something tangible to consider when he cried. It felt like an awesome sense of responsibility to be the best I could be, but at the same time, and most importantly, an immense honour.

 

 The second experience that was significant was the healing I received around being sexually abused as a kid. During one of the sessions I spoke of the deep pain I've carried as a result of this abuse and the enormous way it's impacted my life and relationships. Rachana was able to help me re-connect with how I felt as a little girl and Dharma assisted her to physically remove this pain/stagnation from my body. I actually felt something move. I know that any potential dis-ease surrounding this abuse has been removed from my body. I know this because I can talk about it now without crying and I want people to know I'm not afraid to admit it happened to me. It does not define who I am. In this session I also expressed that I wanted the sexual abuse through my family to end. I feel that as a result of this healing, my son will not have this generational trauma passed onto him. 

 

The third way that the retreat has transformed my life is by the beautiful women that I met. We came together in the temple as strangers however, after hearing their stories and being able to share mine, in a safe place, made us all"one" and"the same". I didn't feel alone with my pain anymore. Some of them I may never see again but I will remember each of those women for the rest of my life. Following the retreat great connections have been made and I have a fantastic support network of caring and like-minded women around me. We created our own Mums and Bubs circle through these connections and strive to parent with awareness. I feel as though I'm now part of a community of people who consciously work toward their own healing and lovingly support each other through this process. It feels GREAT! The Women's Mysteries Retreat came to me at a time when I needed it most. If all the signs are pointing that way for you,"grab on with two hands and enjoy the ride".